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St. Viagra's Dance By : Tim-Knox The impotency drug Viagra has every old person I know talking about having sex again. All I have to say is, 'Folks, please, not in front of the children! Sometimes Life Just Ain't Funny By : Tim-Knox Alabama weather is about as predictable as watching The Jerry Springer Show. You know something's going to happen, you're just not sure what it will be. Some People Will Eat Anything By : Tim-Knox Most people are like Mikey, the old Life cereal kid. We are nondiscriminating carnivores who will eat anything -- especially if it can be made to taste like chicken Some Guys Have All The Luck By : Tim-Knox Recent studies claim that the less educated you are, the more sex you have, and the more sex you have, the longer you'll live. Sure gives new meaning to "Live long and prosper!" Smoke 'em If You Can Afford 'em By : Tim-Knox What's the difference between a $30 cigar and one that costs fifty cents. The answer begins with cow poop. Show Me The Money By : Tim-Knox The stock market could crash like a circus fat lady falling over a lawn chair and it wouldn't affect me in the least. All my money's tied up in bills; electric bill, phone bill, Visa bill etc. Pick On Somebody Your Own Size By : Tim-Knox Mattel's redesigning Barbie to make her more realistic. Imagine Christy Brinkley going in, David Brinkley. No Sale Like A Yardsale By : Tim-Knox Remember, it's not how much you spend at a yardsale, but how much you talk them down If You Clone A Schizophrenic By : Tim-Knox Scientists have successfully cloned a sheep and a cow. What's next? Dogs? Cats? Professional wrestlers? Me? And if you clone a schizophrenic, how many people do you get? I Was Rooting For By : Tim-Knox Who was I rooting for in the Iron Bowl? Sorry, if I tell you, I'll have to kill you I Love You, You Love Me By : Tim-Knox Barney The Dinosaur is suing The Famous San Diego Chicken for beating up a Barney lookalike during his act. Sounds like a clear case of costume envy to me. I Hope You Kept The Receipt By : Tim-Knox Will it be something from Victoria's Secret or another beefstick this year? Honey, Did You Take Your Pill? By : Tim-Knox A birth control pill for men? As if remembering to take out the trash isn't enough pressure. Growing Old In A Red Miata By : Tim-Knox I just had another birthday and I'm not particularly happy about it. To me, that's like saying, "I'm another year closer to having my prostate removed! Somebody bake me a cake and let's party!" Gimme A Head With Hair By : Tim-Knox Times may have changed but the spirit of Halloween continues to live on. Children today have as much as they did in the past - and so do their parents!
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