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Widow #1: I always felt my husband never did the right anything! We were so young when we married and I don't think I ever grew up for the next 30 plus years. Through all that time, I thought I was right about everything and very rarely thought [he] was right about anything. He would even say from time to time, "You're going to miss me one day when I'm gone." I would be like, "...yeah, yeah, yeah." He was so right! I do. He was here for me a lot more than I gave him credit and if I knew then what I know now, I would have done everything a lot different! Widow #2: I think my biggest problem with my husband was that I wanted him to always be better than he was.... I also took for granted the things he did that I didn't have to do, and now I have to carry out the trash, wash the car. And, when he wanted to go and have fun, I wanted to make sure that the bills were paid, and we never got to do all those things he wanted to do. So, I live with a lot of "what-if's" and wonder, "Would it have made a difference in the outcome?" I hear so many women complaining about how he gets on their nerves, and how they wish he would go away.... If they could only take a page out of my book right now they might take those words back and love that man a little more and overlook whatever it is that he does that gets on their nerves right now.... I'd trade it all in just for another year...or 30 with him" Widow #3: I argued with him a lot about silly stuff that seemed important when he was alive. I would have told him how important he was to me a lot more then I did. I would have picked him up from work and taken him out to dinner or somewhere to just relax, because he worked so hard. I just wanted him to be happy. I hope he is now. The list of things I regret goes on and on. I would have kissed and hugged him a lot more. I miss his hugs and kisses. I want one more hug, one more kiss. Please tell all of the women, and men, not to take their significant others for granted. Widow #4: There are a couple of things that come to mind that I am grateful I did. One is not being so busy doing what I want that I didn't have time to spend with [him]. We had spent more time than usual together during his last months and I am glad I gave him that time and I have the memories for myself. It is people that matter, not stuff or money. I had the least amount of money when I was with [him] but I was the happiest. Another thing I learned years ago from my first marriage, that ended in divorce, is that you can't be responsible for another's actions but you can choose your involvement in them. For example, my first husband drove very fast. I had to accept that I couldn't change this (he still hasn't grown up!) but I could choose for the children and I not to be in the car with him! With [this one] I had to accept that he smoked, and, while this was especially bad as he already had a heart condition, there was nothing I could do to stop him. It was his choice. I then supported him when he did give up, but it was too late! Years ago I was advised not to go to sleep with an argument not mended. [We] rarely disagreed, but when we did, we settled it there and then and made up. I am thankful for this advice as I would have felt even worse, if that is possible, if we had had a disagreement and he had died before we had sorted it out." Widow #5: I have a lot of regrets, including not trying to understand his problems more. I pushed him away, instead of trying to understand what he was going through emotionally. I will always regret that, and I will always carry that with me. I tried to be nice, but at times my patience was pushed, and I usually said things in a grouchy sort of way. I have learned many valuable lessons from [his] death, and I truly hate the fact that it took his death to make me realize my mistakes. Communication is a big key, one that I wasn't to willing to do. I regret not telling him all my feelings, of how his behavior affected me and our daughter, of how he was a good person with a good heart. I truly miss [him], and I wish I could have him back to ask his forgiveness for anything I have ever said or done that hurt him. I took him for granted, and I feel that every single day since he has been gone. The pain of losing a spouse is so far the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. There is a connection, and once that connection is broken, your life is never the same again. I can say [we] lived our vows, we lived the sickness and health, for richer and poorer. I just never dreamed death would do us part." Widow #6: This is the first time I have read about "the guilt" in us. I never appreciated [my husband] for what he DID do, just what he DIDN'T do, and I have so much guilt for that. We were married for 24 years and we had wonderful vacations, but it seems the last year of his life he was just not a happy husband (with me). I have grown up so much since his death. He was 9 yrs. older and never made me grow up. We had no children, so I really didn't have to. I guiltily worry that he was waiting patiently for me to become an adult and I never did until he died. I realize now what a whiner, selfish brat I was, and I am so mad at myself for that. If he could see me now, I think he would be very proud. Of course, it's too late." Widow #7: I tell my sister-in-law all the time..."Don't be so mad at him (my husband's brother), it's really not important. These trivial arguments that slowly become huge fights - for what? To prove you're right? What's important is the time you have and making good memories!" She says she understands - but she really doesn't. She should "cherish" him (and he should her) because one day she'll look back and say - why, oh why did we argue over such stupid things? Why didn't I take him in my arms and say, "Just forget it. I love you and I don't care about being "right!" It's unfortunate that we have to go through a tragedy and actually "lose" our love to realize the only thing important in life is "LOVE". If I could only take it all back, I would. I don't care to ever be "right" again. If I could just have one more chance. But I can't. Article Source: http://www.articlewheel.com
Annie Estlund is the author of the handbook, For Widows Only. Visit her Web site to learn more about her support group for widows.
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