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Home | Arts & Entertainment | Humor 1. Rodney Dangerfield - With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. 2. George Bush - I'm not the expert on how the Iraqi people think, because I live in America, where it's nice and safe and secure. 3. Steven Wright - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 4. W.C. Fields - was a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her. 5. Edward Abbey - A drink a day keeps the shrink away. 6. Steven Wright - I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. 7. Rodney Dangerfield - A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. 8. George Bush - One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected. 9. Jay Leno - Researchers have found that oral sex among teenagers has doubled in the last ten years. So who says there is no lasting Clinton legacy. 10. Rodney Dangerfield - I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. 11. Jerry Seinfield - Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. 12. Jay Leno - Al Gore has found a new job - teach journalism at Columbia University. Ironic isn't it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn't do coke goes to Columbia. 13. Dave Attell - Man, you've gone from social drinker to alcoholic really quickly. 14. Rodney Dangerfield - I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. 15. Steven Wright - Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back. At the end of the day, we all usually need a good laugh. Hopefully, the above quotes and jokes provided it. If not, there are tons of sites with them, so get to clicking! Article Source: http://www.articlewheel.com
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