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Home | News & Society | Relationships When someone sits down with his or her significant other and says "we need to talk," usually that means something's not right. Now, that's not always the herald of a breakup, but in the cases where it is, you can bet that there's a problem with that relationship...most of the time with you. Don't worry, you CAN get your ex back, but to do it you're going to have to make a lot of changes in yourself, as well as a few sacrifices. This isn't a little spat, this is the possible end of the one thing that made you happiest in the world...don't skimp on this, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. A lot of people make the mistake after a breakup of smothering their exes in apologies and attention. That only works in the movies, and a lot of the time it doesn't even work then. What you need to do is give your ex some room to think. Chances are, that person doesn't feel much like dealing with you right now, so anything you do to thrust yourself back into his or her life is just going to make things even worse. You both need a little space and time, so have some respect and let it be for a little while. After a sufficient recovery period, you'll be able to make contact again...gently. The first contact isn't about your relationship, or what you did wrong or what is needed to get back together...it's just a chance to say hello, see how things are going for him or her. There'll be plenty of time to work on the relationship later, right now the best thing to do is be a friend. If you play your cards right and just be a friend to the person, it probably won't be long before you're spending a little bit of time together again. When it gets to this point, you're going to have to take different things into consideration depending on which half of the boyfriend/girlfriend situation you are. For the girls, you'll want to make sure you're not being too emotional or clingy. Don't swamp the poor guy with talks of feelings and love and making things work. All you're going to do is scare him away. Instead, try to put him at ease a little bit. Do things you two used to enjoy doing together, it'll help him remember how being with you made him feel, and he may end up wanting to get back together a bit himself. Do what you can to just keep things smooth and friendly without being overbearingly romantic. Be the person he fell in love with, and let him see that the things that drove you apart have been addressed. For the guys, the most important thing is to listen to her and make it clear that you can be emotionally supportive of her. This doesn't mean for you to be all sappy and hanging on her, it means that you can be the person she needs. Women are emotional creatures, it's just how they're wired...if she can't get what she needs emotionally from a relationship with you, you can't expect her to want to be with you. You need to be the guy she fell in love with...and you too should make it visible that your relationship-breaking flaws have been worked on. What it really comes down to is that in every relationship there are two people who may have different needs for what they have to get out of a relationship. Each partner's goal should be to make sure that the other's needs are met. There's a lot of give-and-take in a relationship, and you can't just take without giving back. If you really start trying to work on yourself, you'll quickly realize that you like the person you're becoming, and that the bit of extra work isn't the end of the world. Just keep at it, and remember that in order to get your ex back, you'll need to be the person they want to be with. Article Source: http://www.articlewheel.com
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