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Home | Home & Family | Parenting | Children I am not sure how I should teach her to make the right choices about right vs. wrong. She has already skipped school at the urging of her 5 year old friend. How can I help her when she is out of my supervision at school? How do I instruct to make the right decision on her own? That is a great question. First we should discuss the fundamentals regarding this issue. Kids in general try hard to do succeed in life. Their behaviors reflect what they think will bring them a desired result. The problem is that their idea of a desire result might not be the best idea. Sometimes they want the basics like hunger, warmth, and food. Or they might wish to have their parent's approval and love. Or they might be out to just have fun. Whatever their priority need at the time, the behavior they use is their best attempt to meet the need. They will discover that their behaviors don't always end in success. They learn from this and try other behaviors until they find the ones that yield the intended result. When deciding what behavior to have we rely on experience, direction for our parents, and our skills and abilities. We create a group of behaviors that we hope will serve our needs effectively. After experimenting we will find the behaviors that meet our needs. We will use these behaviors to get what we want. The more we achieve a good result with a behavior, the more we demonstrate that behavior. Returning to your 5 year old daughter. This behavior is a sign that she is in the process of experimenting. She is in a new situation at school and this has expanded her world. She is not sure how to react and is excited and nervous at the same time. She is testing different behaviors to determine which behaviors will end in an intended result. Many of these behaviors, once tried, will be abandoned. Some will be kept, and incorporated into her normal lifestyle. Which will they be? That depends on what outcomes she experiences. At this age the approval of parents is pretty important, so your response to them will certainly be an influence. But so too will be outside influences, such as explicit rewards or punishments, the approval of teachers and, of course, her friends. How much influence do you, as a parent, have over this? At this age, quite a bit. When they are teenagers, a whole lot less. Your influence is through two means. 1. How you respond emotionally to her behaviors. Do you approve or disapprove of her behaviors? 2. Your manipulation of her environment. You have the power to choose her school, neighbors, and people she will be in contact with. You are the one who can give her punishments and rewards. Weaving what he discussed together and looking at this strategically, you need to answer the following questions: Does this look like it is just an experimental phase that will almost certainly pass? If so, then don't get too stressed about it all - enjoy the phase of watching your kids growing up and exploring the world. (Hey, I remember sneaking out from home at about 7 to go and play in the school playground, in the dark, at about 9pm. I even put pillows in my bed to deceive my parents. And I turned out okay ... I think...) Another item to consider is the intensity of reaction you demonstrate to bad behavior. Take swearing for example. If you become exasperated every time she swears, she may view swearing as an adventure because she wants to see you get red with anger. If it looks like becoming more serious or more entrenched, then you need to take some sort of action. How do you know which it is? That calls for judgment. Look at your own parenting first - are you dong the very best you can? Are you providing good role models? Yours will be the greatest influence in her life. Then look at the school and neighborhood. Do the kids, by and large, turn out okay? Or is everyone on drugs by the time they are 13? Spend time talking with parents and teachers at your school. Each school has a culture and perhaps your daughter is trying to fit into this culture. How concerned are the teachers? Does the behavior of most kids at the school improve as they get older? Sadly, you can't watch over every outside influence in your child's life. You also can't be totally sure that your daughter will learn right from wrong. However, you can improve the chances of her success. Your influence is great and you should be a healthy role model for your daughter. Article Source: http://www.articlewheel.com
Need more parenting help for your kids? You should definitely take a look at Dr. Noel Swanson's highly praised parenting book . You can also get his free newsletter here: www.good-child-guide.com
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